alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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