Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
