I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
