Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
