Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
