i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
