Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
FUCK WHALES
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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