I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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