Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
