I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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