OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
