there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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