The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
