It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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