I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How external is "for external use only"?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
