woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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