Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
