I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
