Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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