I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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