I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
