Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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