He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
