I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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