i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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