Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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