Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
