mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
