I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
