Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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