if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
love makes seman taste better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
