wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
