I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
