you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
