This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
