My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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