She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
