there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
