so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
