My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
