I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
love makes seman taste better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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