I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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