This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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