two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
