Having a random hookup so left but love u
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize