If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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