I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
