Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
