Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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