Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
