I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
