There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just forgot I was standing up.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
