i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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