you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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