either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.