Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me

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(740): View more from Ohio

i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.

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(979): View more from Texas

i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

(903): View more from Texas

wow. i have no words.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around

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(954): View more from Florida

I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.

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