I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.