The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life