know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry