I am puke
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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