I didn't shave. On purpose
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
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Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.