It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
