I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
