If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
