You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
