So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
