I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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