I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
