One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
