i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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