Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am spending my child support on dildos
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
