That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
