so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
