He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
