New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
