..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
