I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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