spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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