We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize