So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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