Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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