now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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