You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
