She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
